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Introducing Jerkin ™/ Text / Kevin Ralph Hardy / Illustration / Niki Pilkington Apologies if I’m stepping on a few left feet but all this funky funky ‘music’ is getting to a stage where the funky needs to move out of the house. Remember the days when you heard ‘ear dis’ or the classic ‘cure and the cause’ and you would just lose it and take it old school with the bogle... Them days are over. Don’t get me wrong, when its time to put on the hard shoes, the shirt and give the vehicle a quick wash before you drive to central with the team to skank it out, I’ll do a skank or seven, but the idea of this mind control noise is getting out of hand. ‘Showww meee’ where’s your sense of individuality. Zombies fill the dance with pointless hand movements and getting down low. If it was due to ones own thought peocess, then fair be it, but when your told to go nuts, its a straight par. Parring the par. There are funky tunes that subvert this, my percy being yellow tail, but the common thinking pattern with everyone these days with access to a mic and too much time on their hands is to make a funky funky. Unlike confused individuals that attempted the same nonsense with grime, this collective or fumbaling idiots doesn’t seem to be on the decrease but infact are spreading like flatulence in a forest fire. Much mainstream funky is a bore too; so if he puts you in the frontline in the times of war... That’s a good thing yeh? You wake up in the morning to play your what?! Get ooooooout! For the sheer fact that it is British music (despite the fact that it is a remix of house) I will enjoy it because it is a prodouct of my environment. If only we could get back to the ‘sia little man’ days when bussing the bogle was a thing of the now. What do you think? www.ralphhardy.wordpress.com		Issue Four August 2009 Tinchy Stryder Interview Davinche Interview Rose In The Concrete Fashion Kid British Interview Introducing Maluca Comedian Indy Selvarajah Chantelle Clarke Medford Theo Adams Too Much Too Young Debate The Cost Of Plastic Surgery Living with Cystic Fibrosis Shamz In NYC Yolanda Brown Secret To Skank Alternative Fashion Week Devoted T-Shirts Rare Michael Jackson Moments Lawrence Watson Challenging Homophobia Alternative Musicians Rounders 50/50 Horseriding Melo X Interview Zarif Interview Brazen Interview Poppy Interview Displacement Issue Three Feb 2009 Giggs Interview Global Kingdom : What Is Britishness Back To The Old School Fashion Sarah Maple Exclusive Young Comedians Kyza Interview Charlie Crocket Feature Chip Music Feature Lips To The Mic : Female Artists The Chrsiping Debate Rodney Hinds Careers Interview De Tropix Interview Grey Hound Racing Feature Slanguage Feature Real Life Gambling Crazy Cousinz Interview Hard Knock Wife Review Secret Style Histories Riz MC Cover Artist Feature Dels Cover Artist Feature Sofi Donut's Artist Feature Sara-Sham Savari Benoit Pioulard Emily Cummins Interview This Real Life : Smacking Damien O'Brien Interview Issue Two Aug 2008 Reggie Yates Interview Road To 2012 : Olympics Special Road To Carnival Fashion Freedom At A Price Red Hot Interview Nash Money Sneakers Micachu Interview Natty Interview Life In The Marine Corps Parents Meet The Teenagers Young Londoners Meet The Cast Of Adulthood Cyko Logic Interview Fred Butler : Prop Stylist Interview Immortal Technique Review Made In Queens Victor Timofeev : Artist Interview Ricky Powell Interview Twizzle Interview Flywear Feature Top Girl Film Feature Queen Of Nations Not Without My Sister Sky's The Limit Career's Advice Issue One March 2008 Bashy Interview The Cool Kids Lady Lykes Grimes New School Rowdy Superstar Interview The Sound Of Reason Slash Interview Hoxton Vs Hampstead Fashion Young Designers Lucinda Chua Interview Will Kay Interview The Brothers Size Chris Lambert Duane Henry Drug Trafficking Feature Does My Bum Look Big in This Life After Prison Whats Upsetting Our Children MP Julia Goldsworthy Autechre Live In London Hardcore Is More Than Music Media Box Paddington Development Trust The Cut Ica Blog The Cut On Myspace